Dear Anon,
You said to write how I feel. Well this is interesting because I've never had anyone ask me to do this. I honestly don't know how to feel because I don't like this feeling. Yeah the high feel so good, seems like I never want to come down. But the low, the low is somewhere I never in my life want to feel again. I'd rather go through life living a fantasy or dream love life than feel that pain again. And to be honest, what I'm feeling now, I don't know how it'll ever go back to being the same. I feel like things were said that may have been true but to that gravity that extent some people will never know. I didn't tell you because we are friends at the end of the day that's how I want to keep it. I don't want to mess anything up between us. I do love and care about you so much that I want you to be happy more than I feel like I should be. But this is why I don't get into these type of things because I just started learning how to love myself and not put others before me. I honest feel like us having sex, even though it was other people involved, i didn't care about them, all I saw was you. You were the one I wanted to be with and you were the one I felt for the most. Yeah I feel like we could actually be something great, but I never wanted to mess up anything. But I do love you way more than you know.
Love,
The Mind
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
I Was Here
Dear Heart,
What I couldn't say was said. Not in the way I wanted to say it, not how I imagined it, not where I imagined it, and definitely not by who I imagined it. Its funny how life works, how you can see something unfold right in front of your eyes. How you hope that nothing would change but how deep down inside you know that from here on out its going to be different. The crazy thing about it is, I wonder if you know that I was here. If you heard my thoughts, read my notes, new how things were. Would they be different? Sometimes I feel that I can't necessarily get my thoughts together, that writing them is the only way I can truly express how I feel. I do all this so I know that I was here that I lived, laughed, and loved in the way I wanted. I wish yes I could express myself beyond the computer and this diary but in truth, I like going unnoticed. I feel my actions should show you where I am, who I am, and what I am about. Not my words, because at the end of the day...their just words.
Love,
The Mind
What I couldn't say was said. Not in the way I wanted to say it, not how I imagined it, not where I imagined it, and definitely not by who I imagined it. Its funny how life works, how you can see something unfold right in front of your eyes. How you hope that nothing would change but how deep down inside you know that from here on out its going to be different. The crazy thing about it is, I wonder if you know that I was here. If you heard my thoughts, read my notes, new how things were. Would they be different? Sometimes I feel that I can't necessarily get my thoughts together, that writing them is the only way I can truly express how I feel. I do all this so I know that I was here that I lived, laughed, and loved in the way I wanted. I wish yes I could express myself beyond the computer and this diary but in truth, I like going unnoticed. I feel my actions should show you where I am, who I am, and what I am about. Not my words, because at the end of the day...their just words.
Love,
The Mind
Silence
Dear Heart,
Don't take my silence for weakness, not being real, or fear. Silence is strong because it gives me time to think, speak, and feel things out. My silence is golden, because sometimes with silence you can get a lot further than with being loud. Silence gives you a chance to listen and take in what one is saying to you, it allows for me to communicate effectively with you about the things being said and the actions that have been taken. Its almost as if it were a silent project. Just to observe, record, and measure someones behavior in order to successfully conclude an approach or if an approach is needed at all. I've done this many times before and it works for me. Silence is key. Or it should be SILENCE is the KEY. A key to endless possibilities, the inevitable. Because all you have to do is listen in silence.
Love,
The Mind
Don't take my silence for weakness, not being real, or fear. Silence is strong because it gives me time to think, speak, and feel things out. My silence is golden, because sometimes with silence you can get a lot further than with being loud. Silence gives you a chance to listen and take in what one is saying to you, it allows for me to communicate effectively with you about the things being said and the actions that have been taken. Its almost as if it were a silent project. Just to observe, record, and measure someones behavior in order to successfully conclude an approach or if an approach is needed at all. I've done this many times before and it works for me. Silence is key. Or it should be SILENCE is the KEY. A key to endless possibilities, the inevitable. Because all you have to do is listen in silence.
Love,
The Mind
Friday, January 13, 2012
Love Has No Place Here
Dear Heart,
I wrote these series of letters to get through to you that love just isn't for us. After a while, I started to change my thoughts and perceptions. I began to grow, learn, live. I grew to know that everyone deserves a true chance at love. That love does exist and when you find that right person you should try to hold on to them. That our expectations in one another are maybe too fanatical, over-processed thoughts of the "perfect one" become unachievable. Next thing we know love doesn't exist, because our dreams are idled by perfection. I too, was a victim of demise, of the mirage of perfection set over my eyes. It made me drink of its water which you would think would've quenched my thirst, but like a hot cola on a scorched summer day it made me thirst for something better. Not thinking of the simplest form of any beverage with the least impurities was right in front of me. That covers the earth in abundance, water. Water being the naturalist form of love, simple yet perfect. I grew to know that love is an obstacle in itself, achieved by only those willing to seek its divine powers, unlock the key to lifetime happiness. That permanent smile and inner glow. I learned that truly love in any form should be pure, un-disdained, passionate, intimate, and true. Last but definitely not least, I learned to live without fear that love comes from all places, those places we only thought love dwelled opened up a secret passage for something greater, the congruency between me and you, the heart and the mind. If we were both on one accord in a place that was chosen, common ground, oh the miracles when could create, the love we could share. But since its not possible, humanly, love has no place here.
Love,
The Mind
I wrote these series of letters to get through to you that love just isn't for us. After a while, I started to change my thoughts and perceptions. I began to grow, learn, live. I grew to know that everyone deserves a true chance at love. That love does exist and when you find that right person you should try to hold on to them. That our expectations in one another are maybe too fanatical, over-processed thoughts of the "perfect one" become unachievable. Next thing we know love doesn't exist, because our dreams are idled by perfection. I too, was a victim of demise, of the mirage of perfection set over my eyes. It made me drink of its water which you would think would've quenched my thirst, but like a hot cola on a scorched summer day it made me thirst for something better. Not thinking of the simplest form of any beverage with the least impurities was right in front of me. That covers the earth in abundance, water. Water being the naturalist form of love, simple yet perfect. I grew to know that love is an obstacle in itself, achieved by only those willing to seek its divine powers, unlock the key to lifetime happiness. That permanent smile and inner glow. I learned that truly love in any form should be pure, un-disdained, passionate, intimate, and true. Last but definitely not least, I learned to live without fear that love comes from all places, those places we only thought love dwelled opened up a secret passage for something greater, the congruency between me and you, the heart and the mind. If we were both on one accord in a place that was chosen, common ground, oh the miracles when could create, the love we could share. But since its not possible, humanly, love has no place here.
Love,
The Mind
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Smash Into You
Dear Heart,
Love comes in various shapes, sizes, colors...you get the point...it shouldn't matter who's giving you the love you so need, deserve, desire. People get so caught up in whats "normal" and whats deemed normal. So quick to put a title on everything, not willing to explore the wilds of love and all it has to offer. We judge love: what it is, what it looks like, how it feels, where it comes from, and who gives it. But all of that doesn't matter. Because love in any form, is what I want to smash into. I want to feel it, live it, and love it. Its so close, I can feel it, grasp it, so tangible. I can physically smash into you. Why? Because its real. As real as you, my heart.
Love,
The Mind
Love comes in various shapes, sizes, colors...you get the point...it shouldn't matter who's giving you the love you so need, deserve, desire. People get so caught up in whats "normal" and whats deemed normal. So quick to put a title on everything, not willing to explore the wilds of love and all it has to offer. We judge love: what it is, what it looks like, how it feels, where it comes from, and who gives it. But all of that doesn't matter. Because love in any form, is what I want to smash into. I want to feel it, live it, and love it. Its so close, I can feel it, grasp it, so tangible. I can physically smash into you. Why? Because its real. As real as you, my heart.
Love,
The Mind
Friday, January 6, 2012
Drunk On Love
Dear Heart,
"I always let love take the lead, I may be a little naive" --Rihanna
These words are very powerful to me. I cannot resist this pain and pleasure I get from being in love. Always so beautiful yet so ugly. Love is like alcohol, it feels soo good when your borderline drunk. Living free, having fun, laughing, smiling. Seemingly happy, just like love. But just like alcohol the next step is crucial. The headache, the pain, trying not to remember what happened. The Hangover. Yet I still drink Love. I'm definitely naive, I love the way it tastes, the way it feels. But I hate when I sober up because then I'm back to reality, that love doesn't exist. I wish I could be drunk forever so we couldn't hurt. But I guess that's not the way love was intended. Sadly I think I'm a hopeless romantic, because I find myself in these situations countless of times. We can do better, sober up.
Sincerely,
The Mind
"I always let love take the lead, I may be a little naive" --Rihanna
These words are very powerful to me. I cannot resist this pain and pleasure I get from being in love. Always so beautiful yet so ugly. Love is like alcohol, it feels soo good when your borderline drunk. Living free, having fun, laughing, smiling. Seemingly happy, just like love. But just like alcohol the next step is crucial. The headache, the pain, trying not to remember what happened. The Hangover. Yet I still drink Love. I'm definitely naive, I love the way it tastes, the way it feels. But I hate when I sober up because then I'm back to reality, that love doesn't exist. I wish I could be drunk forever so we couldn't hurt. But I guess that's not the way love was intended. Sadly I think I'm a hopeless romantic, because I find myself in these situations countless of times. We can do better, sober up.
Sincerely,
The Mind
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